Alongside

Foreword

If you and those around you would dare to engage in honest conversation — to ask real questions and truly listen to the answers — you could do so much better for one another. You could learn what it looks like to serve and love people well even in great pain. You could learn how to walk alongside someone in heart and in practical support, how to identify your own needs in crisis and communicate them clearly, and how to embrace a measure of personal discomfort in order to ease the discomfort of another.

Introduction

As you step out in faith to love the people around you through their hardest seasons, God will shine through your actions, words, and deeds. In every tangible act of care, you become the literal hands and feet of Christ.

Chapter 1 — The Heart of the Matter

In the Bible, James describes an outpouring of actions that naturally follows life-saving faith. It happens the way it happened for someone who first met Jesus and could not keep quiet about it — like a girl with a brand-new engagement ring, wanting to show everyone the reason for her happiness. Except it wasn’t a ring. It was a person.

When Jesus was asked which commandment was the greatest, he answered with two: “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: love your neighbor as yourself. The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:36–40). God is using you whether you know it or not. He instilled that penchant for good. He created that heart for others.

Your neighbor is anyone you come into contact with in daily life — ever. It is your family, your co-worker, your church friend, your former classmate, your committee member, your teacher, the store clerk, the homeless person, and yes, your literal neighbor across the street. In the biblical context, everyone is your neighbor. There is a unique opportunity to love them when they enter a time of trial. Vulnerability brings with it an open door — one that often remains firmly closed in the normal busyness of life. God intends for you to push open that door and step boldly into a person’s life when they need it most.

Chapter 2 — It’s Not About You

It’s not about you. Memorize those four simple words, because they will serve you well as you begin the journey of loving your neighbor. People who have experienced great hardship, life-altering diagnoses, and loss all say, in one way or another, that one of the hardest things to manage was the people who supposedly wanted to help but somehow made it about themselves.

Give lots of grace — especially to the person directly facing the trial. Crisis can make people irrational. Emotions run high. Beyond that, keep your motivations for helping pure. It is deeply unattractive to help someone because it looks good to others or appears righteous. Temper your enthusiasm as well. There is often a sense of urgency in those naturally inclined toward reaching out, but the afflicted person already has many demands on their time and energy — including physical limitations that may not be visible from the outside.

Finally, be mindful of how you acknowledge the person’s situation. As a general rule, acknowledge it when it first happens. Don’t keep silent. But after that initial acknowledgment, realize that the person doesn’t want to be defined by their circumstance or illness. They don’t want it raised every time you pass each other on the soccer field or at church. They are trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy — and helping them hold onto that may be one of the most loving things you can offer.

Chapter 3 — In the Know

Before you take action, take time to understand your relationship to the person in trial. There are four tiers of connection. Tier 1 is the inner circle: caregiver, close family member, or intimate friend. Tier 2 is the wider ring: friends, neighbors, co-workers, church members, and people linked through shared interests or organizations. Tier 3 includes acquaintances, friends-of-friends, and those known by association. Tier 4 is infrequent or no personal interaction. Your tier shapes every decision about how and how much to engage.

The greatest gift you can give the person you are helping is to genuinely consider how they might be feeling. People in trial are not thinking clearly, and they are wary of being defined by an illness or a title. They are uncomfortable accepting help. They feel out of control, they are hurting, and they are struggling to accept a new reality. They are unlikely to “let you know what you can do,” and they are in no position to make you feel good about the help you offer. What they desire is manageable amounts of visits, food, gifts, and expressions of support — along with respect, privacy, normalcy, and room to heal at their own pace. What they need from you is simpler than it sounds: be present, listen, come alongside them, support those they love, guard your tongue, believe in them, refrain from taking offense, and serve out of love.

Certain guidelines will save you from missteps. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Tread lightly. Know your place. Be present. Bring food. Check your motives. Operate in your area of giftedness. Ask permission before crossing sensitive thresholds. Don’t over-visit. Pace yourself for the long haul. Offer specific helps rather than vague ones. Pray. Give helpful gifts. Watch every word. And keep your emotions in check — or leave them at home.

Before every act of help, run a few questions through your mind. What does this person need today? What is the Holy Spirit asking me to do? What are my motives? What would I want if I were in their position? Do I have a similar experience worth sharing? Are there tasks I can do without needing permission? What is my tier? Is there someone closer who knows the current needs? Where is this person in their faith? Do I have a go-to meal or specific gift to offer? And is this trial a marathon — long-term illness, death, or divorce — or a 5K, like a surgery or short-term financial strain?

Chapter 4 — Go

Your tier determines whether going in person is a wise way to take action. For someone in Tier 1, the answer is simply yes — go. For Tier 2, pray and discern the closeness of your relationship before showing up on a doorstep. Ask yourself honestly whether you are uniquely qualified or particularly led to be there. For those in Tier 3 or 4, going in person is probably not the right way to love your neighbor.

If you are in Tier 2, 3, or 4 and feel drawn to go anyway, ask permission first. Text or call. Say something like, “I’d like to come by if you’re up to it,” or “I’d love to be with you right now if you want,” or even “I’m on my way unless I hear otherwise.” That small gesture hands control back to the person who most needs it.

No matter what tier you fall into, there is one more rule: if you are overly emotional about the person’s news — so deeply affected that you risk becoming a distraction to the very people you want to support — stay home until you can control your sorrow and be genuinely comforting or helpful. Your presence should be a gift, not another weight to carry.

Chapter 5 — Respect Their Journey

One of the most challenging aspects of helping someone through a trial is the desire to fix the person or their circumstances. But it is not your journey. It is theirs. Even the most well-meaning people have done more harm than good by asserting a fix-it mentality. Don’t share what isn’t yours to share. And don’t let pity rule the day — it doesn’t benefit anyone to feel like a charity case, as though you only care about them because they are ill or in need. Pity causes people to feel worthless and resentful, which is never the intent but is often the result.

There is nothing worse than being rushed through your feelings by someone else. If you have ever lost someone, you understand. There comes a time when the world wants you to move on, but you are still grieving. There is a very real loneliness born from holding missing pieces of a puzzle that everyone close to you wants put back together — a puzzle that may remain unfinished for a long time, and may never be whole again.

When you call someone to express concern and want to leave a message, clarify that you are not expecting a return call. Give them permission to call only if they want to talk, so they don’t feel additional pressure. If you need a response, say you’ll call back at another time. The same goes for texts: if you send one, clarify that you don’t need to hear back.

There are times when you don’t need permission for a kind act — sending a card, writing an email, sending a gift, or dropping off groceries. But you should seek permission before visiting (especially with long-term or terminal illness), handling sensitive information such as prayer requests or private details, making plans on their behalf, putting their name on anything like a fundraiser or benefit run, changing their schedule, caring for their children, or any other personal request.

Chapter 6 — Offer Specific Help

Specific offers of help allow you to assist the person in need while making it easier for them to say yes. These are especially well-suited for those in Tier 2 or 3 relationships: running errands, grocery shopping, yard work, house cleaning, pet care, house-sitting, consistent rides to appointments, providing meals, fundraising, driving children, childcare, daily household tasks, meal cleanup, laundry, breakfast or lunch when they are home alone, or offering your car or home to their visiting family. The key word is specific. “I’d love to bring dinner Tuesday night, if that works for you” is infinitely more useful than “let me know if you need anything.”

Change the phrase entirely. Instead of “let me know what I can do,” try: “I’d love to help with blank, if it’s alright with you,” or “I’m here if you need blank,” or “I’ll check back to see if and when you’d like help with blank,” or “Think it over, and I’ll check in again.” These phrasings hand the decision back to them while making the offer concrete and easy to accept. And there is an even simpler approach: if you are already at the grocery store, send a text that says “I’m at the store — what can I pick up for you?” Don’t make the offer from home and expect them to follow up. Text from the store. The specificity does all the work.

Coming over for a “visit” and quietly helping while you’re there — folding laundry, unloading the dishwasher, wiping down counters, changing sheets — is often more natural than asking to clean. Most people are hesitant to ask for domestic help but will gladly let a friend come over for some company. The company becomes the door through which the real help walks in. And always remember: when a person’s whole life feels out of control, they want to do something for themselves. Come alongside rather than taking over. Joining someone where they are preserves dignity.

For a death in the family, specific tasks might include shopping for funeral clothes, notifying family and friends, writing the obituary, handling funeral thank-you notes, ordering flowers, answering phone calls, organizing finances, notifying credit cards and banks of the deceased’s status, creating photo boards, coordinating the memorial service, preparing the house for guests, writing CaringBridge updates, or running errands. For cancer or long-term illness, you might pack for a hospital stay, help prepare health care directives or a will, manage children’s activities, assist with exercise and physical rehabilitation, purchase specific items like wigs, scarves, wheelchairs, or hospital beds, or organize a prayer service. For divorce, you might attend hearings, fill out legal paperwork, help with a move, drive or care for children, accompany them to social events, or handle routine tasks their spouse used to manage.

Chapter 7 — Be Present

”The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness — that is a friend who cares.” Over and over, in research and in conversation, people who have walked through hard things express that the most helpful thing others “did” for them was simply to be with them.

Be there, if only to hold your friend or loved one’s hand for a little while. Whether it’s during a chemo session, sitting in a radiation waiting room, or waiting for a doctor to share test results, the power of human touch is a real and tangible gift. What people want is for you to join with them — not to look at them with sympathy. The friend who loves their neighbor well in trial will continue to come alongside long after the initial hardship has passed.

Chapter 8 — Love With Food

Food speaks a universal language of love. One of the most sustainable ways to use it: because you are already cooking for your own family, add enough for one extra person and share what you are already making. This removes the burden of preparing a separate full meal and allows you to help more frequently, over more time. If you are making enchiladas, make a small pan of two and bring it over. If you are making soup, share a portion. Small and frequent is often more powerful than one large, elaborate gesture.

Chapter 9 — Do Without Asking

We live in a society that values personal space, privacy, rules, and social courtesy. Yet one of the most consistent things people who have lived through really hard situations report is that some of the best help came from those who didn’t ask permission first. A freshly mown lawn the day of the funeral. Trimmed bushes in the front yard the day of re-diagnosis. A batch of chocolate chip cookies left at the front door. A cleaning lady hired to ease the load. A circle of prayer in the yard the morning of surgery. No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Chapter 10 — Listen Well

When you jump to “I can help you make this better,” you frustrate the person in front of you. They feel you are trivializing their troubles. There is a time and a place for advice and suggestions, but if you want to stand out and love your neighbor well in their trial, start by listening. James put it plainly: “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19). Do not compare your grief to a friend’s. We have all experienced pain, but each grief is entirely its own.

Chapter 11 — Give Good Gifts

Find their favorites. Remember their favorites. Take time to deliver them. Minimum effort, maximum return. Ask yourself the right questions: Do they love a certain food? Do they like certain music? Is there a recipe their kids have always loved? Is there a favorite restaurant you could order from? Is there a tradition you could help them maintain or continue? Do they love being around children? What kinds of movies do they enjoy? Do they have an affinity for any particular sport, holiday, or event?

A breast cancer survivor’s list of go-to gifts for friends in crisis includes massage coupons, manicure or pedicure certificates, comfy socks with no-slip bottoms, pajamas or comfortable clothing, front-opening shirts and jackets for ease of movement, a Magna Doodle if the patient is unable to speak, and scarves or hats for chemotherapy patients.

Small, unexpected touches can carry enormous weight. A box dropped at someone’s door with a tag reading “Thought you could use a little sunshine!” — filled with random yellow items from the dollar store — was deeply loved. Another powerful idea: a grieving-oriented care package filled with tissues, waterproof mascara, hand sanitizer, immunity-boosting vitamins, essential oils, worship CDs, healthy and not-so-healthy snacks, coconut water, blank notecards, stamps, Starbucks gift cards, and index cards filled with Scripture passages. Heartfelt and practical at once. When giving any gift, consider tucking in a note that says, “Part of my gift to you is that I don’t want or expect a thank you. I am delighted to help and trust that you have plenty on your plate without adding thanking me to it.”

For women, consider salon or massage gift cards — especially if she may lose her hair from chemotherapy — pedicure or manicure certificates, flowering plants or hardy green plants, grocery gift cards, faith-based gifts, gas cards, takeout restaurant gift cards, a prayer shawl, a cozy throw blanket, a lumbar pillow, pajamas, sunglasses, under-eye cold packs, essential oils, house cleaning, or a night out with babysitting included. For men, books in action or adventure series, magazines, favorite foods or beverages, music, tickets to a sporting event or concert, a small remote-control helicopter, TV series sets, car care like an oil change or wash, lawn care, snow or leaf removal, childcare, a night out with friends, or comfortable loungewear. For teenagers, movies, books, music, an Amazon gift card, a Netflix subscription, a sketch book, a journal, pajamas or socks, snacks, games like Settlers of Catan or Rummikub, coffee or juice gift cards from Starbucks or Jamba Juice, or a small Bluetooth speaker. For young children, DVDs, coloring books with crayons and markers, travel-sized games for hospital stays — Blokus, Rummikub, Uno, and Bananagrams — LEGO sets, Pillow Pets, or their favorite snacks and treats.

Faith-based gifts for any age include a framed Scripture verse, a cross, devotional books, Bible study materials, Christian concert or conference tickets, or Scripture cards. And for any age or gender, gift cards to restaurants, coffee shops, clothing stores, grocery stores, gas stations, spas, salons, Christian bookstores, or Amazon — or open-value Visa, Mastercard, or American Express cards — are always welcome.

Chapter 12 — Choose Wise Words

The truth is, nothing you say can take away someone else’s pain in the moment. But how you speak matters profoundly. When words don’t come easily and you are worried about saying the right or wrong thing, the best move is simply to ask the person how you might pray for them.

There is a framework that works: acknowledge, affirm, and express. Acknowledging the situation means saying something like “I’m so sorry you’re facing this” — and keeping it about them. The goal is to validate, not fix. Affirming their feelings means saying “I can see how you would feel that way,” but without projecting emotions they haven’t named. If they’ve expressed what they feel, you can reflect it back; if they haven’t, let them. Expressing empathy sounds like “I am with you. I’ll be here. I’m standing beside you in this hard thing.” Another form of empathy, especially in grief, is to talk about the person who was lost — to say what you will miss about them, what you loved about how they lived.

Certain phrases should never cross your lips in these moments: “They’re in a better place.” “Their suffering is over.” “Heaven needed them more than you.” “At least you have other kids.” “At least you have one healthy baby.” “At least you didn’t lose everything.” “You’re better off without him.” “It must have been God’s will.” “God will work all things for good, you’ll see.” “Time heals all wounds.” “It’s for the best.” “You’re so lucky you’re young enough to have more children.” These phrases represent attempts to find a silver lining in someone else’s grief, to diminish their loss, or to move them past sadness faster than they are ready. The heart has to heal from the inside out — with love, not logic.

Chapter 13 — Think Outside the Box

When a married person has a long-term illness or challenging diagnosis, the affected party receives the majority of support. While that is enormously important, it is a special person who looks beyond the “patient” to see the spouse who is hurting just as much and receiving far less attention. The caretaker needs care too.

The best way to help a parent facing trial is often to help their children. As Angie put it, “I can guarantee the kids are the parents’ biggest worry. The goal is to keep things as ‘normal’ as possible for them.” When you love and serve not just the person in trial but also those surrounding them every day, your help is multiplied. You are touching people who might otherwise be overlooked, and at the same time you are helping the person directly, because you are bolstering the support system that holds them up.

Chapter 14 — Nourish Normal

One of the more isolating things about a devastating diagnosis is that the rest of the world goes on as normal. Be aware that a “normal day” is really all the person wants right now. Anything you can do to preserve or foster normalcy — a familiar routine, a usual outing, a shared activity that predates the crisis — is a true gift.

Chapter 15 — Shine the Light

Trouble can come in the form of cancer, alcoholism, death, divorce, or any other debilitating trial, and nearly everyone knows someone facing one of those things. We can’t escape it. But if we look, we will find a holy opportunity to witness the display of God’s glory in and through it.

Don’t be someone who just says “I’ll pray for you” and walks away. If possible, do it right then and there. Even people with deep faith can use an injection of faith from others as they face trial. As the Christian musician Bebo Norman once put it, “When your hope is gone, you can borrow mine.” Be that person — willing to lend your light and faith at all times, in all situations. When you shine your light for others to see, you become the hands and feet of Jesus in a broken and hurting world.

Chapter 16 — Pray Diligently

Prayer is the most transformative tool available as you walk out the call to love your neighbor in their trial. It harnesses the power of God to minister to people more than any other single action. Never have you risked more or been more rewarded than by praying with those who are facing difficult circumstances.

There are many ways to pray: in person, out loud, with hands resting gently on a shoulder if welcome; in a community prayer service or corporate gathering; in a small, private prayer group with a few close friends or family members; through a texted prayer; by email; in a handwritten note tucked into a card; by phone, spoken out loud or left as a voicemail; or by sharing a Scripture verse that itself becomes a form of prayer. Personalize your method based on what you will actually follow through on. The best form of prayer is the one that happens.

Chapter 17 — Make Them Laugh

A “Make ‘Em Laugh Challenge” is a coordinated effort — organized by email, text, letter, or in person — to brighten someone’s day with humor. The goal is to be sly, so the recipient doesn’t know it is a concerted effort. This works even if you are not in the same city. Contributions can be a humorous book, a personalized video, a letter that recaptures a funny shared memory, an old photo that brings back better days, or even a flash mob.

Laughter can be good medicine, but only in proper doses. Your best guide is attention. If your friend appreciates your sense of humor, or if they lead the way by making jokes themselves, you know you can walk down the road of laughter together.

Chapter 18 — Tap Into Your Talents

God’s greatest desire is for you to serve your church, your neighbors, and your world in the way He innately created and wired you to serve. The right question isn’t “what sacrifice can I make?” — it’s “what do I do well that could be beneficial to my neighbor in trial?”

The range of talent-based service is vast. People have served those going through hard things by cooking extraordinary meals, running errands, cleaning houses, caring for children, deep-cleaning refrigerators and linen closets, bringing coffee, listening for hours, praying, driving, visiting, and even birthday-shopping for someone else’s kids. Whatever you are gifted at, there is a way to channel it toward someone who needs it.

Chapter 19 — Collaborate

The multiplied impact of many people working together — rather than one person alone — can bring significantly more help, hope, and encouragement. Whenever possible, rally others to join you in serving someone who is struggling. There is something that happens when a community gathers its gifts together that no individual can replicate.

Chapter 20 — Take Care of You

Be sure your faith doesn’t fade into the background because you are busy caring for a friend or loved one. Don’t stop attending church, prayer groups, Bible studies, or discipling and mentoring meetings. Whatever you do to strengthen your own faith life, keep doing it. It is imperative to keep your own cup full so you can continue to pour out into others.

The final word on self-care: walk with a pure and upright heart. As you help another in trial, your prayer for yourself should be the prayer of the psalmist: “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10).

Chapter 21 — Don’t Do This…

There is a full catalogue of what not to do, and it is worth reading slowly. Don’t bring dishes that have to be returned. Don’t look at the person with that pitiful expression you think reads as sympathy — it doesn’t. Don’t give trivial gifts that clutter the counter. Don’t panic. Don’t gossip about their personal health status or private information. Don’t cry in front of them. Don’t try to fix or remedy the situation. Don’t obligate them to return phone calls. Don’t help just to take credit. Don’t tell them how much you sacrificed to be there or how you fit them into your busy day. Don’t talk about their trial every time you see them. Don’t talk too much. Don’t drop off a meal and expect a lengthy visit. Don’t forget their struggle. Don’t make commitments you cannot keep. Don’t be oblivious to their hardship. Don’t speak in sad, piteous tones to them or to their loved ones. Don’t make offers that require work on their part or that you can’t actually follow through on. Don’t presume to know their prognosis. Don’t publicly discuss information they haven’t made public themselves. Don’t think the rules don’t apply to you. Don’t spend time on trivial conversation if the trial is acute, recent, or terminal. Don’t be patronizing or judgmental, especially in delicate situations involving abuse, suicide, divorce, or addiction. Don’t share your own story ad nauseam. Don’t be bossy. Don’t take over — unless you’re asked. Don’t say “Let me know if you need anything.” Don’t expect a thank-you note. Don’t give your medical advice.

Chapter 22 — When Faith Isn’t Shared

Peter’s instruction is clear: “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect” (1 Peter 3:15). Relationship is the currency that earns the right to speak. In his book Contagious Christian, Bill Hybels notes that it takes roughly twenty hours of relationship building with an unbeliever before you have earned the right to share one hour about your faith.

Be in prayer for the people you know who might be un-churched — never having set foot in a church — or de-churched, having left at some point, or dis-churched, meaning disenchanted with church altogether. Prayer should precede all conversations or interactions when possible.

If you have a testimony of how God changed your life, showed up in a trial, or answered your prayers, think it through carefully or write it down. When the chance comes, you will be ready. Focus on what aspects of your story connect to what the person is going through, and highlight the goodness of God rather than lingering only on the hardest parts.

Chapter 23 — When You’ve “Been There”

Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 1:3–4 that God “comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.” Having been through something is a gift. The temptation is to lead with it.

Before sharing your own experience, apply four disciplines. First, wait. Give the person time to process their situation before diving in with your story or advice. If what you know is time-sensitive, ask before sharing. Second, seek. Seek God’s wisdom and trust the Holy Spirit to guide you as to whether and when to share your journey. If He wants you to, trust Him to create the opportunity. Third, listen. Do a great deal of listening before you begin to speak about yourself. Listening is the relational currency that buys trust and makes what you eventually share worth hearing. Fourth, ask. Different trials call for different responses. Asking first ensures you don’t share when it’s unwelcome.

Keep your motivations in check. You are sharing to encourage — not to be considered the expert and not to process your own emotions. If you are called to share, show your vulnerability. Be brief. Don’t minimize their situation. Don’t one-up them. Validate their feelings. Provide only what is directly relevant. And keep it in first person: “Here’s what happened to me” rather than a prescription for what they should do.

Chapter 24 — When Someone Is Aging

Even if an aging person is still well enough to live independently or resides in an assisted living facility, much of their daily life still falls to you to help manage. Work this into your schedule so that each need isn’t an interruption but a part of your new normal. Then if they don’t need you on a given day, you simply gain some extra time for other things.

Be mindful of simple ways to continue giving the aging person independence and to honor their need to feel like a participant in their own life. If you have ever faced a situation out of your own control, you understand how paralyzing it feels. Allowing the person who is aging to make decisions, perform tasks, and continue activities whenever possible improves their long-term well-being in ways that cannot be measured.

Chapter 25 — “Messy” Situations

The reason to say yes to loving your neighbor in a messy situation isn’t because you are this great selfless person — it’s because you never want to say no to God when He asks you to love your neighbor, even when it is really, really messy. Ephesians 2:10 reminds us that “we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” And Paul makes the motive even more explicit: “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

Jesus said to love God and love your neighbor — and that includes messy situations. Messy situations demand grace, the absence of judgment, and the intangible presence of unconditional love. They beg for people brave enough to enter in and walk alongside — to bring hope and light in a dark place where many refuse to tread.

As someone coming alongside in a complicated, chronic situation, recognize that this could take a very long time to sort out. Pace yourself accordingly. Operating on overdrive will cause you to tire quickly, and you will not be worth much to your friend for the duration. There is certainly an acute beginning to any crisis, but as the situation wears on it becomes more chronic, and you will need to find a sustainable pace for serving.

Chapter 26 — Terminal Illness

We mean to be empathetic. We mean to be caring. But in the face of terminal illness, there is not much to say. So as you go into it, remember: it is delicate. When there are no words, let there be no words.

Jenny, a hospice and home care nurse who spent years with families in these final seasons, admits to facing frustration when she couldn’t fix the situation and couldn’t find the perfect words to make it better. But her patients and their families taught her something she carries with her still: they aren’t looking for magic advice or solutions from anyone. They just want people to be present. To show they care.

There is something powerful and sacred about dying words. Don’t drown them out with your own, unless asked for your advice or opinion. In one such moment, the question was asked through tears: “Tom, do you know you’re forgiven and loved by God? Do you know that no matter what you’ve done — or left undone — He’s waiting to accept you into Heaven with loving arms?” Words were a struggle for him by then, but his faint reply was clear. “I do.” “And do you accept God’s gift of grace to you, knowing he died for you?” “I do.”

The beauty of prayer in these final moments is that it provides a means to speak on behalf of your loved one, to share the burden, to lift them before the throne of God. It can be an opportunity to offer assurance, as with Tom, or a chance to speak words of salvation to someone you love.

Conclusion

James reminds us that faith by itself is not enough — unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless (James 2:17). The entire arc of these chapters points to this: knowing without doing changes nothing. But step out in love — imperfectly, humbly, and consistently — and you become the answer to someone’s prayer.

Bible Verses for Loving Your Neighbor

For those walking through trial, Scripture anchors the soul. Deuteronomy 31:6 commands courage and assures the fearful that the Lord goes with them and will never leave or forsake them. Job 11:18–19 promises security and rest in hope. Psalm 16:8 keeps the eyes on the Lord so that nothing can shake the heart. Psalm 27:1 declares the Lord as light and salvation — and wonders aloud who could be left to fear. Psalm 121:1–2 lifts the eyes to the mountains and points back to the one who made them. Isaiah 41:10 speaks directly to the frightened: God himself strengthens, helps, and upholds with his righteous hand. Isaiah 43:2 promises that when the waters rise and the rivers flood, he will be there. Philippians 4:19 assures that every need will be met according to the riches of his glory. Hebrews 4:16 invites the suffering to approach the throne of grace with confidence, where mercy and help are waiting. James 1:2–4 calls those who face trials of many kinds to consider it joy — not because the pain is small but because the testing of faith produces perseverance that does its full work.

For those who need comfort, Exodus 14:14 instructs the burdened to be still and let God fight. Jeremiah 32:17 marvels that nothing is too hard for the God who made heaven and earth. Psalm 46:1 names him as refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:10 simply says: be still and know. Psalm 91:4 pictures shelter under wings, faithfulness as a shield. Matthew 5:4 blesses those who mourn with the promise of comfort. Luke 18:27 opens the door that human hands can’t unlock. Ephesians 3:17–18 prays for the power to grasp the full dimensions of a love that surpasses knowledge. Second Corinthians 1:3–4 names God as the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the same comfort we ourselves have received.

For those struggling in faith, Lamentations 3:24 declares the Lord as portion and resolves to wait for him. Luke 1:37 is brief and absolute: no word from God will ever fail. Ephesians 3:20–21 reaches for language that can’t quite contain what God is able to do — immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. First Corinthians 16:13 calls the faithful to stand firm, be courageous, and be strong. Second Corinthians 5:7 reduces the life of faith to a single line: we live by faith, not by sight. Hebrews 11:1 defines the thing itself — faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

For those in grief, the Psalms speak most directly. Psalm 9:9 names God as refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Psalm 18:28 says he keeps the lamp burning and turns darkness into light. Psalm 34:18 places him close — nearest to the brokenhearted, saving those crushed in spirit. Psalm 55:22 bids the grieving to cast their cares on the Lord, who will sustain them. Psalm 59:16 sings of strength and fortress. Psalm 126:5 promises that those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. Psalm 145:14 sees the Lord upholding all who fall, lifting up all who are bowed down. Psalm 147:3 says he heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Lamentations 3:22–23 anchors hope in mercies that are new every morning. Matthew 5:4 speaks its blessing again: blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Revelation 21:4 reaches to the other end of the story — every tear wiped away, no more death, no more mourning.

For those seeking guidance and protection, Psalm 18:32 speaks of a God who arms the faithful with strength and keeps their way secure. Psalm 37:23–24 says the Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him — and even if they stumble, they will not fall. Psalm 56:3–4 models the practice of fear turned to trust. Psalm 63:8 clings to the one whose right hand upholds. Psalm 91:11 promises angelic guard over every path. Psalm 119:114 holds fast to the word as refuge and shield. Isaiah 30:21 whispers a voice behind you: this is the way; walk in it. Jeremiah 29:11 speaks of plans for a future, not for harm, full of hope.

For those in need of hope, Psalm 31:24 urges the heart to be strong and take courage. Psalm 62:5–8 settles the soul into rest and finds rock-solid salvation in God alone. Lamentations 3:25 assures that the Lord is good to those whose hope is in him. Isaiah 61:1–3 promises beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and a garment of praise for despair. Romans 5:3–4 traces the arc: suffering produces perseverance, which produces character, which produces hope. Romans 5:5 adds that this hope does not put us to shame because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 prays for the God of hope to fill his people with all joy and peace, overflowing with hope by the power of his Spirit. Second Thessalonians 2:16–17 closes with a blessing: may God himself, who loved us and gave us eternal encouragement, strengthen your heart in every good deed and word.

For those needing peace, Psalm 4:8 promises safe, peaceful sleep from the Lord alone. Psalm 29:11 says he gives strength and blesses his people with peace. Proverbs 3:24 quiets the night with the promise of sweet sleep. Isaiah 26:3 keeps in perfect peace the mind that is steadfast and trusting. Isaiah 54:10 says that though the mountains shake, his unfailing love will not. Matthew 11:28 calls the weary and burdened to come and be given rest. John 14:27 leaves a peace the world cannot give, and tells the troubled heart not to be afraid. Philippians 4:6–7 instructs against anxiety and points to prayer and petition with thanksgiving — promising a peace that transcends understanding and guards the heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Second Thessalonians 3:16 closes with the simplest wish: may the Lord of peace give you peace at all times and in every way. First Peter 5:7 invites the casting of all anxiety on him, because he cares.

For those learning to pray, Job 22:27 is a promise: you will pray to him, and he will hear you. Jeremiah 29:12 is a direct invitation: call upon me, come and pray to me, and I will listen. Matthew 21:22 is bold: if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. John 14:13–14 anchors every request in the name of Jesus, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. First John 5:14 grounds confidence in God’s will — if we ask according to it, he hears us.

Resources

For support and connection during a health challenge, CaringBridge (caringbridge.org) allows friends and family to post updates, offer encouragement, and stay informed. CarePages (carepages.com) provides free patient blogs and personalized websites to keep a support network connected. HealingWell (healingwell.com) is a community built around chronic illness, offering blogs, videos, newsletters, and practical resources. Stephen Ministries (stephenministries.org) provides training and resources for those wanting to grow in their ability to care for others through life crises.

For coordinating meals, CareCalendar (carecalendar.org) is a web-based tool for organizing meals and other care. Take Them a Meal (takethemameal.com) simplifies meal coordination so that helping feels easy. Lotsa Helping Hands (lotsahelpinghands.com) organizes meals and other support for friends and family in need. Meal Train (mealtrain.com) provides an interactive online calendar with email and Facebook invitations, plus an optional donation fund. Caring Meals (caringmeals.com) is a free service for coordinating meals in someone’s time of need.

For online fundraising, YouCaring (youcaring.com) is a free crowdfunding platform for helping others overcome hardship. GoFundMe (gofundme.com) makes it easy to create and share a personal campaign. CrowdRise (crowdrise.com) supports fundraising for causes you care about. Fundly (fundly.com) allows fundraising for anything with no minimum. GiveForward (giveforward.com) empowers people to build a community around a need and take action when it counts.

For faith-based gifts and books, resources are available at cbd.com, dayspring.com, lifeway.com, and maryandmartha.com. Three devotional books worth knowing: Jesus Calling offers words of reassurance, comfort, and hope written as if Jesus were speaking directly to the reader. Grace for the Moment provides reflections for drawing closer to God and understanding his direction and timing. Streams in the Desert offers wisdom and insight for applying biblical truths to the full range of daily life.